My Lifetime Story in the making

This blog is a reflection of me and my thoughts, but I rarely showcase them but tonight you are in for a treat. There’s things that saddens me but I try to smile and not think about it. The main thing that upset’s me is my mother’s health, having only one parent can make you really paranoid. I lost my father when I was around 6 or 7? I don’t remember but it was before I was 10. I was close and not too close to him if that makes sense. I was around my mother more because he was sick, but I loved him. My parents were married which is rare these days and I had a good childhood. I was spoiled basically and still am. When my father passed it change things but surprising enough as the years went by my father kind of became an after thought. I missed him but I knew I would see him again and I still had my mother who was the parent I was close to the most. But know that my mother is sick I get flashbacks about what happen to my father. I just can’t afford to lose both parents. We argue sometimes (not like that we have a good relationship) but I notice I get upset faster because of her health I can’t deal with it I guess, She said something to me that ticked me off last night and I almost got banned from the computer but like I said I’m spoiled and I know how to do things to reverse it LOL. She’s my mom I try to be respectful but I’m not the type to just allow you to say something to me that I feel is not correct and stay shut. I have a mouth and it can be a problem it doesn’t matter if we are related or not. I was never really like that until I got older I guess it was how I dealt with people in general (in school) because of those experiences I grown to not like people and just well I’m depressed so I’m waiting to blow.. I’m 23 and wish I had a job I really don’t want to be bother with a ailing mother and 3 adopted sisters but that’s my life at the moment. But I get what I want as far as material things but I would like to have my own money. My life is not a lifetime movie there are people who have it way worse than me but I guess I got emo over the years I blame my family members, Since I was a kid the only thing I heard from them is come back to Baltimore come back home to my mother. Like I didn’t matter It’s not my fault I was born in the Bronx and never became close to any of you. I don’t like it there and I tolerate them for my mother. Maybe that makes me weird because I don’t want a relationship with them but it is what it is. Last year when I visited them my grandmother said to me I would hate for your mom to have died I’m like thanks grandma for making me more depressed. And she asks me how long as your father been dead you think I’m actually counting down the years? Smh. They would really like force me to want to be there with them and I understand all my mom’s family is there and they want her to be there with them but no New York is all I know I’m not going to change for you. I’m never myself around them I’m quiet and won’t talk really and that’s not me but I used to be quiet and still am when I’m meeting someone new. I have to feel you out before I start talking and I been feeling them out for years and it’s weird really mental , it’s really a boring place the only good thing about Baltimore is the malls and the food but that’s it. It will kill me literarily if something happen to my mother and I had to go there. I’m at the age where I don’t have to go there but I have 3 adopted sisters and most likely they will live with one of my relatives and they all I know. When I hit 26 then I would have a lifetime story I guess but so far this is my story. This will be the last time I’ll share something this personal I know it’s my blog but I like to keep it upbeat. Don’t say I never got deep.

Be Happy you're Hired

So of course I have been going to rehab for a couple weeks and most of the time I get a cab to take me there and lately I been coming home on the bus .But  for these two last weeks I'm not ,I'm going to be cabbing it back and forth but there's a cab driver that my mom used alot in the past so I am using him for rehab. He's been taking me back and forth the first two weeks but I got tired of calling him and him not being able to come or just plain don't return his message and also the bus is cheaper so I called a random cab .So the other day I get in the cab and guess who is the driver , he says what happen wednesday. I said umm I want to rehab he said you didn't call me I was waiting. Mind you I haven't used him in a minute so I thought he would have got the message , I said well I been catching the bus .. he said what's your mom number. I look at him with 0_o face and start laughing to myself so he calls my mom and is like what happen I been waiting and you can tell he was getting upset so I continued to laugh and he said to my mom this is a business or some crap. Listen If I call you and you do not answer and say you coming  I am not waiting on you I am getting a random cab or catching the bus. I don't wait for NO ONE you not there I bounce. So when rehab was over I called my mom ( I didn't have the cellphone on me ugh) I used the pay phone and said call him to pick me up before he get a heart attack. So I'm sitting there waiting on a friday and the wind is blowing where is he at. So I called my mom again and It's not like I had mad quarters on me to be using the pay phone like that the hot dog stand man didn't even have change so I call and say he's not here -_- she's like he didn't come yet . I'll call again I say this is crazy if he not here I'm catching a cab . She was like if he not there in 15 minutes leave so 5 -10 minutes he's there. What he does is in between picking me up of course he is getting other customers at the same time which is
Understandable because that is his job and that's why I haven't been using him if you not able to pick me up you think i'm going to wait no I am not. So this week coming if my mom wants to call and remind him to pick me up fine but if he doesn't show up i'm gone. Money must be really tight.

It's time for a little Poetry kids

Tick Tock the block is hot (lil wayne voice)... This is a stupid phrase
How ke$ha has a record deal has left me amaze.
These crazy thoughts that run through my head.
Still can’t help me find a job to make some bread.
This blog was a reflection of my thoughts so to speak.
But now as turned into a blog to fulfill your music needs.
I see people write poems on their blogs like this is poetry class.
So here’s a poem to entertain you’re a$$

Trey Songz -Ready , but are you really?

For a while I wonder to myself when was Trey Songz going to blowup. Trey came on the scene the same time as Chris Brown &; Ne-Yo, Chris (at the time) and Ne-Yo were able to have great crossover success but trey was just an R&B dude with braids. He was nothing special as far as his image but voice wise I felt he was decent and had decent songs. His songs at the time weren’t poppy, weren’t ringtoneish just good R&B for the new school at least. But I guess Trey got tired of being in the background, even Lloyd and Bobby Valentino (remember him) were doing better than trey. But even though he wasn’t as known as the others I thought his songs were better than there’s at least Chris ,. Chris had the whole package but musically he couldn’t touch Ne-Yo and Trey. Trey day was another decent album from trey but some songs on there did hint that he was changing his sound, even with trey day he still was a nobody. Then trey cut off his braids, gain muscles and is ready. Oh really trey, well the cover of ready is basically a rip-off of D’angelo voodoo album and didn’t Marques Houston already do a D’angelo impression with naked??? I invented sex; trey is really playing that R.kelly role isn’t he?

Vibe Magazine- Trey says “People say well I hear a lot of R.kelly in your music, so what / R.kelly took Aaron Hall whole style” That is true trey but must you do the same? I was rooting for you to get mainstream success without copying others. I know that artists are influence everyone copies but trey really the LOL (: was the turning point for me. I couldn’t believe trey would put out a record like that.

I guess Ne-Yo said it best –“I like that he’s not doing the whole R&B thug thing anymore. There is no such thing; I’ve thought for a long time that he has one of the more distinct voices in R&B. It’s one of those voices that you hear and you automatically know who it is. I feel like some of his earlier songs complimented his voice a little better. But no one was really paying attention so he had to, dare I say, dumb it down.

The key sentence in bold, exactly what I did not want him to do and he did was DUMB IT DOWN. And he really dumbs it down on ready. He sounds like everyone else and that’s the problem. What happen to that boy that just gotta make it? He made it but he wasn’t true to his original self and I know at times the label does market you a certain way but trey what you doing is not different. You are taking your shirt off and singing about sex I feel like I seen this before.

But hey maybe this is you after all and if this is, it sure is nothing special. You could have been a young Maxwell or Donell Jones but no just a replacement until Usher get’s his groove back and Chris well tries to come back. I’m just waiting for you to dance now. Two times I was suppose to see trey perform, missed him the first time and he cancelled the second. It’s fine though that was in his braids days I have no interest now.


And please at the end of the day Trey’s best album is the first his most successful is ready. And I see trey releasing all these video’s like ready is producing mad hits. The only hits are I invented sex and say ahh. Songs like gotta make it , cheat on you , gotta go , ur behind , just wanna cut , wonder woman , can’t help but wait , we should be , missing you , Last time I’ll pick over say ahh , I invented sex and LOL (: any day. I’m all about artists evolving but don’t do a 360 on people Trey always sung about sex just his whole style now I feel it’s nothing new just a clone of something else at least his old image had promise not the thug image but just the type of records he was singing .

I never was a mega fan of trey, never listened to his mix tapes but I do have all three albums’ I always felt he was underrated in the past but now that trey has blown up he’s pretty overrated sadly. I have mixed feelings on the new Trey but congratulations’ Trey for becoming like everybody else.

Keri Hilson sit down somewhere

I'm sure everyone has seen this video and this don't bother me because what she singing well it's not on my itunes list but anyway.



Well see I never liked her before this video and I tried I really tried. The songs that she was featured on with timbaland I did enjoy so I said let me give her a chance. When she finally released her album I was like what is this ?? Please someone tell me how is keri hilson a hot artist. I think she needs to stay in the background because as a artist I am just not feeling. Now this post is not to bash her at all this post is to reflect on what we consider talent. Like I said she need to stay in the background and continue writing for people it will do everyone some good if she Considered this. She's also boring I mean at the end of the day I just look at her as a pretty face she doesn't have any star power. When she was Nominated for best new artist at the grammy awards I was like OH REALLY?? First of all I was shocked that anybody heard of her outside of the BET Community.And I was Perplexed that many(the BET Community)was shocked that she didn't win.She is a artist that is the Definition of over hyped. Please try again keri then maybe I will come around.

Who is the Next Michael Jackson??? (Everyone's favorite tired subject)

So here we go again, people trying to find some other artist to crown the new Michael Jackson. Usher, Justin Timberlake and Chris brown all were in line to be the new Michael Jackson, now we have Quest love crowning Beyonce as the new Michael and now Rodney Jerkins crowning Lady Gaga as the new Michael. Will it ever stop!!! I see everything is back to normal now as far as the whole we love Michael fad (2009) All these artists that I mention I am huge fans of (well not Chris brown anymore , that’s another subject for another day) and I feel these artists are very talented but no where near Michael status. Why must we keep putting crowns on people, saying that they are the new this or the new that. Can’t they just be themselves and most said they are copying its called being influence people everybody feed off each other. It’s bad enough that the music industry can’t produce real talent anymore and when we do get an artist from this generation that is trying to make decent music we downgrade their talent by comparing them to a legend like Michael. It goes to show how much Michael was truly appreciated always trying to put his title on others. I’m not offended by it at all; I just feel it’s unfair to the artists from this generation. A lot of them are not even trying to become the new anything; it’s the media and fans that raise the bar higher for them.

Sadly we will never see talent like Michael again so we have to fool ourselves into thinking Beyonce is taking his place. I have a Love/Hate with this girl I tell you. I’m a fan of her but then someone hypes her up like she’s the second coming I hate her again. I’m personally over “who is the next MJ” craze. Music has gone downhill and will continue to. No matter what artists will always be compared deal with what’s out now, play an old Michael album and call it a day.

American Idol - Retire and Die

I have been watching American Idol since the Beginning and I am very disappointed of what have happen to this show. For the first time I'm watching and not watching. I see people performing but I couldn't give a care in the world who these people are and what they can bring to the music industry.No one has that "thing" that makes me want to run and buy their album , I wouldn't even download anything from anybody this season. The good thing is that this is Simon's last season being a judge this also means I won't have any need to watch. I almost wasn't going to watch this season because of the Departure of Paula and leaving in Kara who is useless to this show. Yes she has written hit records but I still don't want her on this show, and Ellen who I actually like is more useless than her and it was a waste of time and energy for her to be on this program. Who thought that was a good idea for her to be a judge , I given her a chance and i'm not happy with the results that has been given back. Randy well .... I have no words for Randy and haven't had words for him since the start of the show. Ryan who I am quite fond of (just like simon)is just there doing his job so he gets a pass. And what's with this guy Big mike I mean what's the hype? Yeah he can sing but he sure is not a American Idol . I can just turn on BET and see enough big mikes if I wanted ..he's another Ruben studdard didn't they learn the last time. So all in all I feel this need to be the last season when I watch it feels like i'm watching Auditions not Contestants. Sad it had to end this way *waits for Simon Cowell's "X Factor*

Happy days are here again

So umm yeah about that last blog ..lol I had to just rant but I might be getting this camera now only that's it's much cheaper compare to the ones at target lol *crosses fingers* So just forget what I said even though that was my feelings at the time and well it hasn't really change but yeah lol

I'm done with target

My day today was crap ...Me and my fam went to target today to go get some things .Guess what the things I wanted I couldn't get -_-.My main goal was to get a digital camera and yeah I didn't get it .I also wanted to get the new season of family guy and yeah it was sold out .I also was thinking about getting the video game guitar hero , it had the guitar . microphone , game , etc included and yeah the price for it was crazy .So I came out target with two bras .My mom had brought coats for the kids .I do agree that bras ,coats and clothing in general is more important but still.I'm more mad at the fact that I still can't get this camera.My mom bragging throughout this whole week talking about how she is going to finally get one .And believe me I wasn't holding my breath for that camera because I know my mom cheap self was not going to get it .Now my mom will spend ALOT of money on so many things especially on me BUT I do go out and buy things for myself with money(don't ask) I have lol . I got mostly everything I wanted this year so she really not that cheap she just likes to save which is cool , because it's not easy with this recession , economy issue but don't keep saying you are going to get this and that and not deliver .If I'm coming off like a spoiled brat then that's because I am and proud lol.But I'm 21 years old and tired of this sad I know I think if I was a guy it would be way sadder .I so desperately want and need a job .I'll even downgrade myself to work at McDonald's or rite aid ..okay I won't because it's low to me.I don't knock anybody that does work there it's just I WON'T work there.But yeah I need to get a job soon because I'll be waiting on my mom forever to get me what I want and the job I get.... it can't be public , like I can't work with the public LOL. Anything that is fast food or like a footlocker I can't work there I'll get fired the same day because if one customer goes off on me I will not stay shut.At one point I was thinking about working at this place called fordam mills( how ever you spell it , it's a urban clothing store)but not even sure now. Now I'm done with target because of late they don't have the things I'm looking for.Most of the time they do that's why I like going there but it's not good to go on Fridays because everybody already picked up everything and by the time you get there most things are gone .So because I couldn't find this DVD of family guy there I went to the CD/DVDs/electronic store on my block.The guy that works There gets mostly everything early so I can rely on him ...but not today he didn't have it either.He offer to order it for me but no I want it now lol. So I'm here looking at the Barnes and noble website so I can order it .I'm a member and plus they send you things fast when you order so I have a chance .But for most of the day i have been in my bed because i was mad after what happen.I woke up like a half and hour ago lol.When I'M upset the best thing for me to do is go in my room smh.Now this week this Jonas brothers book is suppose to come this Tuesday to be exact so maybe that will cheer me up *sarcasm and rolls eyes*lol it better come I preorder it already.I feel a little better now that I ranted lol

Note:This rant on how I felt about the situation was a little exaggerated but how I felt about the camera was not

Crazy Friday.

Hello.So I didn't not know that the bloods are attacking teenager girls today.This is like a Initiation .STUPID .These gangs has gotten down to a new low with me. I mean you can't be serious? These gangs are nothing but a bunch of cowards if they have to start jumping on girls now.It's bad when they jump random guys but this is really sad. Do they get a prize for this or is this what these niggas considered foreplay. I bet they wouldn't like if I slice blood junior off would they.I'm sorry this really pisses me off and I look like a teenager so I don't have a chance rotfl. Very sad.Anyway lets look at this picture to feel good about ourselves on this sad day


I have no hate towards him just don't have a clue why girls find him attractive Oh is it his body well i'm more of a face girl then body .Funny his mom is my cousin's Principal lol.smh but anyway I hope a blood didn't hunt you down today