Get out of my life.

2010 you have been hell and I’m so happy you’re moving out. Take your sickness family wrecking self elsewhere. 2011 I hope you’ll be a good friend to me. So long 2010 you won’t be missed.

2011 Hurry Up

This Year has been Hell slowly counting down the days.......

Almost at Home Plate .. Almost....

This past Wednesday I had an appointment to see the MRI about my knee but since the machine wasn’t working I had to come today. The problem with that was I had a appointment already scheduled for my knee on the same day so I couldn’t see the doctor about my knee today because they was waiting for me to get the MRI first. I have to wait to the end of this month to see the doctor. I was pissed since Wednesday because of this; my good knee is hurting like crazy now. All the doctor said was take Tylenol -_-. This December somebody better have repaired my knee are I’m going to hit somebody with my cane. To take my mind off of it I had Kanye’s, Nicki’s and Ne-Yo’s album to listen to. Knee good during Kanye’s but knee hurt again when I was listening to Nicki’s. Not a Good sign.

My Lifetime Story in the making

This blog is a reflection of me and my thoughts, but I rarely showcase them but tonight you are in for a treat. There’s things that saddens me but I try to smile and not think about it. The main thing that upset’s me is my mother’s health, having only one parent can make you really paranoid. I lost my father when I was around 6 or 7? I don’t remember but it was before I was 10. I was close and not too close to him if that makes sense. I was around my mother more because he was sick, but I loved him. My parents were married which is rare these days and I had a good childhood. I was spoiled basically and still am. When my father passed it change things but surprising enough as the years went by my father kind of became an after thought. I missed him but I knew I would see him again and I still had my mother who was the parent I was close to the most. But know that my mother is sick I get flashbacks about what happen to my father. I just can’t afford to lose both parents. We argue sometimes (not like that we have a good relationship) but I notice I get upset faster because of her health I can’t deal with it I guess, She said something to me that ticked me off last night and I almost got banned from the computer but like I said I’m spoiled and I know how to do things to reverse it LOL. She’s my mom I try to be respectful but I’m not the type to just allow you to say something to me that I feel is not correct and stay shut. I have a mouth and it can be a problem it doesn’t matter if we are related or not. I was never really like that until I got older I guess it was how I dealt with people in general (in school) because of those experiences I grown to not like people and just well I’m depressed so I’m waiting to blow.. I’m 23 and wish I had a job I really don’t want to be bother with a ailing mother and 3 adopted sisters but that’s my life at the moment. But I get what I want as far as material things but I would like to have my own money. My life is not a lifetime movie there are people who have it way worse than me but I guess I got emo over the years I blame my family members, Since I was a kid the only thing I heard from them is come back to Baltimore come back home to my mother. Like I didn’t matter It’s not my fault I was born in the Bronx and never became close to any of you. I don’t like it there and I tolerate them for my mother. Maybe that makes me weird because I don’t want a relationship with them but it is what it is. Last year when I visited them my grandmother said to me I would hate for your mom to have died I’m like thanks grandma for making me more depressed. And she asks me how long as your father been dead you think I’m actually counting down the years? Smh. They would really like force me to want to be there with them and I understand all my mom’s family is there and they want her to be there with them but no New York is all I know I’m not going to change for you. I’m never myself around them I’m quiet and won’t talk really and that’s not me but I used to be quiet and still am when I’m meeting someone new. I have to feel you out before I start talking and I been feeling them out for years and it’s weird really mental , it’s really a boring place the only good thing about Baltimore is the malls and the food but that’s it. It will kill me literarily if something happen to my mother and I had to go there. I’m at the age where I don’t have to go there but I have 3 adopted sisters and most likely they will live with one of my relatives and they all I know. When I hit 26 then I would have a lifetime story I guess but so far this is my story. This will be the last time I’ll share something this personal I know it’s my blog but I like to keep it upbeat. Don’t say I never got deep.

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no… sadly I had no choice

No not that rehab, Rehab for my knee I started this past week. Basically I have to do exercises to help strengthen my left knee and funny my right knee is aching too smh. But it’s kind of fun I get to ride that exercise bike LOL. Its working but I think something in my knee needs to get repair which might require surgery. My rehab doctor was on vacation so I will have to discuss this with him next week. I’m taking it one day at a time.

Bad Knee

What a difference a day makes smh. Guess what? My knee pops... My knee literally snaps outside my socket the other day. I could not believe it I was standing up and all of a sudden my knee breaks like when a tree snaps. This is the first and hopefully last time this happens to me and yeah I know it sounds weird how does my knee just snap like that without any pressure I don’t know but it did. My knee cap was all the way on the other side of my leg so now I’m on crutches which suck even more. This Friday I have to get therapy for my knee. I am laughing so hard right now like what else can get worse for me... , My summer suck so what a way to end it. The Good thing is I didn’t think I could last a day without internet but I did so I get a Gold Star. So I’m sitting up here typing this with my leg in a brace feeling like wheelchair Jimmy...I’m so Far gone =/

Summer went by so fast

So this summer sucked I went to the maxwell concert which was my only highlight but a good highlight indeed LOL BUT STILL. And still on this Job Hunt I have a feeling I'm going to have to go back to school even though I seriously do not want to do that but sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do right? This fall I'm hoping will be a better time it's not really drama going on with me but just things will get better I hope.(Sounding emo ? Trust me I have a good life just things could be deleted from my life that's all)I'm doing better than fantasia so it can't be that bad.

Growing Up Ghetto Indeed

So this past weekend was so boring for me. The elevator doesn’t work so I was pretty much stranded in my own house (can you believe that?) But keep in my mind I live on the third floor so it’s not like I can’t walk down the steps. Keyword I, my mom leg is messed up so she couldn’t do nothing for the whole weekend. So this is where I come in I had to run errands for my mom (Which I had no problem with) But the actual problem was that it was beyond HOT and I had just got my hair done (yep sounding like a diva right now which is something I am not trust me.) and my hair got sweated out I could not believe it I just got it done. But what do I expect? Heat and long flowing pressed out hair don’t mix. It’s funny because the weather now for this week is still hot but not like it was this past weekend. And plus I’m broke so I have to wait till the first of the month just like all the other ghetto people in this neighborhood ( I’m a Uppity Black just in case you don’t know) I am too outdone right now I’m about to pop in this Jay- Z mix tape to kill my boredom.
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23 years on this planet and haven't seen the hype yet. The hype? Yeah the hype of being in your 20's it feel like life is getting harder and harder and harder. Well at least I can drink .....

Job Hunt Blues Part 1

So because I became desperate I applied for a job at Best Buy. I was going to Best Buy anyway so I was like I’ll try it, the security guard there told me to apply online. So that’s what I did yesterday and so many questions I had to fill out. I’m waiting for them to get back to me but I already know I won’t get the job and it’s not like I really want to work there but I just felt hey I like electronics and it’s a electronic store why not LOL. Stores I really don’t want to work at but something to start me off at least I guess. To be continued...

It's useless

Have you ever told someone to please do this but the person takes forever to do it. Yeah that's what's Happening with me and this thing that I want this person to do is very Important and it's something that NEEDS to be done . *sighs* My life at the moment is filled with Happiness and not so much Happiness I can't explain. This is my emo blog for today.

I'm done with target

My day today was crap ...Me and my fam went to target today to go get some things .Guess what the things I wanted I couldn't get -_-.My main goal was to get a digital camera and yeah I didn't get it .I also wanted to get the new season of family guy and yeah it was sold out .I also was thinking about getting the video game guitar hero , it had the guitar . microphone , game , etc included and yeah the price for it was crazy .So I came out target with two bras .My mom had brought coats for the kids .I do agree that bras ,coats and clothing in general is more important but still.I'm more mad at the fact that I still can't get this camera.My mom bragging throughout this whole week talking about how she is going to finally get one .And believe me I wasn't holding my breath for that camera because I know my mom cheap self was not going to get it .Now my mom will spend ALOT of money on so many things especially on me BUT I do go out and buy things for myself with money(don't ask) I have lol . I got mostly everything I wanted this year so she really not that cheap she just likes to save which is cool , because it's not easy with this recession , economy issue but don't keep saying you are going to get this and that and not deliver .If I'm coming off like a spoiled brat then that's because I am and proud lol.But I'm 21 years old and tired of this sad I know I think if I was a guy it would be way sadder .I so desperately want and need a job .I'll even downgrade myself to work at McDonald's or rite aid ..okay I won't because it's low to me.I don't knock anybody that does work there it's just I WON'T work there.But yeah I need to get a job soon because I'll be waiting on my mom forever to get me what I want and the job I get.... it can't be public , like I can't work with the public LOL. Anything that is fast food or like a footlocker I can't work there I'll get fired the same day because if one customer goes off on me I will not stay shut.At one point I was thinking about working at this place called fordam mills( how ever you spell it , it's a urban clothing store)but not even sure now. Now I'm done with target because of late they don't have the things I'm looking for.Most of the time they do that's why I like going there but it's not good to go on Fridays because everybody already picked up everything and by the time you get there most things are gone .So because I couldn't find this DVD of family guy there I went to the CD/DVDs/electronic store on my block.The guy that works There gets mostly everything early so I can rely on him ...but not today he didn't have it either.He offer to order it for me but no I want it now lol. So I'm here looking at the Barnes and noble website so I can order it .I'm a member and plus they send you things fast when you order so I have a chance .But for most of the day i have been in my bed because i was mad after what happen.I woke up like a half and hour ago lol.When I'M upset the best thing for me to do is go in my room smh.Now this week this Jonas brothers book is suppose to come this Tuesday to be exact so maybe that will cheer me up *sarcasm and rolls eyes*lol it better come I preorder it already.I feel a little better now that I ranted lol

Note:This rant on how I felt about the situation was a little exaggerated but how I felt about the camera was not

Crazy Friday.

Hello.So I didn't not know that the bloods are attacking teenager girls today.This is like a Initiation .STUPID .These gangs has gotten down to a new low with me. I mean you can't be serious? These gangs are nothing but a bunch of cowards if they have to start jumping on girls now.It's bad when they jump random guys but this is really sad. Do they get a prize for this or is this what these niggas considered foreplay. I bet they wouldn't like if I slice blood junior off would they.I'm sorry this really pisses me off and I look like a teenager so I don't have a chance rotfl. Very sad.Anyway lets look at this picture to feel good about ourselves on this sad day


I have no hate towards him just don't have a clue why girls find him attractive Oh is it his body well i'm more of a face girl then body .Funny his mom is my cousin's Principal lol.smh but anyway I hope a blood didn't hunt you down today

This week went by fast

It's Friday already It's fast here in new york and when you are busy it's hard to keep up with the days.So I have nothing planned this weekend so that sucks =/.Maybe I'll post something interesting later , it's really hard for me to blog about my life because I like to keep my life private lol but maybe I'll go back to my rants on celebrities ..sounds fun?

My teeth Hurt=/

Okay so yesterday I wasn't on my computer at all ..I went to target yesterday and brought some clothes ,most of the time when I go to target I spend money on Cd's lol but this time I didn't ..so anyway as you can tell I'm back on my computer. Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist ...it's not that bad they are basically going to clean my teeth lol but I have had worse I have had all my wisdom teeth taken out during my past visits so what am I worrying about ..this should be easy smh. I just don't like going period. So anyway I'll blog again this week ..about to go on myspace ..peace

Random PT 1

I'm kind of pissed off right now so ...I'll just post something tomorrow since I will have nothing else better to do than stay in my house ...thanks to the storm =/ I'm going to watch my bootlegged copy of tropic thunder now so bye .